Hope on the Rise

Waiting is the worst part.

 

Well, we have officially entered the terrifying part of this cycle…. the wait. I’m extremely nervous and excited to get a break from what felt like every other day appointments. I have a lot of fear that I’m going to let my hope build up too much and then find that it didn’t work, but I’m trying to stay positive. I continue to remind myself that isn’t uncommon for the first cycle to not work and it isn’t the end. There is still a lot we can try if it doesn’t work, but I’ll admit I’m really hoping this cycle works. Anyways, I thought I would share how our appointment Friday went along with what we are doing now!

After many appointments in which I was told my follicles weren’t responding we finally reached the day I was praying for! On Friday I went in for our 5th sonogram to check on my progress and am very happy to say I had two follicles measuring at 19.5 and 18. I can’t even begin to describe how exciting it was to see those follicles on the screen. For the past several weeks it’s been a lot of nothing there. I’ll admit had the doctor not pointed it out I probably wouldn’t have known what those two black masses on the screen were, but still it was incredibly exciting to see progress. It was decided I could go ahead and trigger ovulation so I was allowed to take my Ovridrel shot when I got home. So what now?

Well, now comes the waiting game. Since this was a timed intercourse cycle we are supposed to have sex for the next 3 days and then I am to start to progesterone suppositories Monday morning, but aside from that this cycle is pretty much over at least in terms of doing stuff. The Ovridrel will cause a positive pregnancy test so for this reason I’m not supposed to take a test until 14 days after taking the trigger, but I’m impatient so I’ve decided to torture myself by testing the trigger out of my system. If goes to negative and then comes back to positive then it is likely a true positive and not just the hormones I injected. I’m a little nervous that I’m going to experience side effects from this, but right now it’s a little too soon to know.  Most of my nervousness is towards the progesterone suppositories, several ladies have warned me that they are not at all fun. Honestly, they never sounded fun and unfortunately I’ll be taking them for a while…. even longer if I end up pregnant. I am reminding myself that if I want to get pregnant I have to do this though, no matter how unpleasant.

Anyways, I am very pleased that we made it through the bulk of this cycle and that after 13 injections we were finally able to trigger! All that is really left to do is pray now!

 20170225_09022613 gonal f injections, 1 trigger, and 5 sonograms this cycle.

 

 

The In-between Moment

Waiting is in my experience never pretty.

 

There is really nothing new to update the world yet, but for the sake of my sanity I decided it was time to write something, so as life would have it I’m going to share about a point in every month that I don’t really like to talk about. The two-week wait…. a truly dreadful time for me.

I am currently in my two-week wait and let’s just say emotions are running high. It’s a combination of hope, dread, and of course HORMONES. For those that don’t know or remember the two week wait or TWW is a period of time in between ovulation and your monthly, bloody reminder that your dreams are dashed again. It’s pretty much the worst. You would think your period would be the worst time when trying to get pregnant but no. Trust me when I say the TWW is the absolute worst time of the month. It’s the time where you really start thinking about pregnancy and babies. Hopes run so high that you start thinking every twinge your body makes is a sign that you succeeded. You completely forget that a period also has symptoms and unfortunately they often mirror pregnancy symptoms. Also don’t forget the hormones, being so close to your possible period means that your body is basically a walking, talking factory of aggression and tears. Add hormones in to a desperate hope for a baby and let’s just say the outcome isn’t ever pretty.

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Waiting is the name of the game when trying and it isn’t at all easy to do. During this time you have to choose between preparing for your monthly, unwelcome visitor or the possibility of something much, much sweeter. I can attest to the fact that almost always the possibility of being pregnant wins. I have come to the conclusion that women’s product companies know this fact too as the tampons are almost always right next to the pregnancy tests! Let’s just say I never leave with just tampons… if I even buy tampons at all. Today was no different as I battled within myself in the aisle of the commissary, ultimately going with the overpriced pregnancy tests.

It almost feels wrong to buy tampons during the TWW, like you have already decided you have failed for the month. Of course, I hate myself every month when my period arrives and I realize I have no tampons, but my habits still don’t change. I continue to hope every month and every month my hopes are dashed. If there is one thing I could give up in this trying to conceive journey it would be the TWW. Life would be so much simpler if we could just have sex and then take a test instead of all this waiting. The waiting is what makes the trying to so hard in my opinion. It’s one of the cruelest mind games life plays on us and there’s no other way to describe it other than to say it sucks.

So that is where I am right now. If you see me this week you’ll probably notice I’m on edge. I feel like crap because PMS sucks, I am exhausted from hoping that it isn’t PMS, and I am overly emotional. Just know that if I snap at you it isn’t intentional and I’ll be back to normal in a week. Right now though, I am busy praying every single day/spare moment that God will give me what I want already and I am trying to hold it together as I very impatiently wait for my turn.